Comms: T-Mobile. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

I am one of your longest established customers, an early adopter from the first days of the UK mobile provider One-2-One.

And yet, dealing with you is one of the most frustrating - and often pointless - experiences.

First, thanks to someone who wants my full name, but will describe himself only as "Kevin" I have just been disconnected from your service line. My offence? To call the mobile broadband service via the 150 number on the pre-printed voucher and then to click on "broadband support." Apparently this is not the correct line to activate the broadband service on a pre-paid chip. And, incredibly, it is an offence resulting in the termination of the call to describe the system as "stupid." I was threatened with disconnection when I did so. Incredulous, I asked if the word he took exeption to was "stupid" and was told "one more time." I asked if he really thought that describing a labyrythine system where broadband support is not, apparently, the correct division for broadband support was stupid and he terminated the call.

That's stupid.

All of this is necessary because I bought a SIM card for my USB GSM stick - like millions of travellers do every day. But T-Mobile sell a generic prepaid card and to make it work properly, one has to register it by calling 150 from a T Mobile handset - or pay 40p per minute to call a premium rate call line. So here I am with a stick that might die at any moment.

That's stupid.

I tried to upgrade, via the internet upgrade account thingy, my handset to an HTC Desire. I received an a-mail confirming that the upgrade would take place. Nothing happened. I sent an e-mail to the customer disservice department. What's happening I asked. Several days later, I received an e-mail saying that, as requested, my order had been cancelled. Idiots. I wrote back, in short terms, saying that the phone should be delivered promptly. No reply.

That's stupid.

I went into a T-Mobile shop in Ashford in Kent to ask them to check up on the upgrade. They are very nice, very helpful people but due to T-Mobile's systems, they say, can't look into any upgrade ordered online.

That's stupid.

I started to get spam after applying for the upgrade despite ticking the box for no spam. I wrote complaining. I was told to go online and opt out. Again.

That's stupid.

When I complained about the spam, I complained about the stupid failure of the upgrade. Call us, they said, although, to be fair, they did call first - but several days after I wrote when I was no longer available. The delay in responding to complaints?

That's stupid.

And in any case, after the experience with Kevin with no surname, I'm disinclined to call again. Wasting time in press-a-button-to-select hell only to be told I've got it wrong?

That's stupid.

I tried to do the upgrade in a shop. It had had three phones delivered the day I had previously asked them to look into the "cancelled" upgrade. They had sold them all. That's good for them - but three phones for a busy city centre branch? That's stupid.

So two days later I went to the branch in Cheapside in London. It was three minutes to six in the evening. The door was locked even though the sign on the door says that its hours are until 6pm. The staff looked at me as I pushed the door (thereby finding it locked) and looked away.

That's stupid.

Deciding that continuing to try to deal with T Mobile direct was, er, stupid, the next day, I went to Carphone Warehouse from where I should be able to do an upgrade and where they did have the phone in stock.

All good - until T Mobile's "security" system required me to put a debit card registered to the same address as the phone account into a system for "verification."

Two houses, bank registered to one, mobile phone registered to another. So even the very nice, helpful and apologetic people at Carphone Warehouse could not make the upgrade happen.

That's stupid.

So, T Mobile. This is rapidly looking like the end of a beautiful friendship, a divorce caused by unreasonable behaviour of one party after almost 20 years.

I have a pre-paid phone from another network. Later today, I'll get their SIM card for my mobile broadband. We'll keep the existing phone and contract.

And, in a few days, I'll pick up the HTC phone I desire from a dealer in Malaysia, Singapore or Hong Kong, unlocked, and use it wherever I am travelling. Including swapping in my T-Mobile contract card when I'm in the UK.

Just like the millions of other travelling business people who might view this cautionary tale as a sign of how much valuable time is wasted in trying to do simple things with T-Mobile.

And as we all know: wasting time is stupid.

Of course, I could have told you all of this in private but Kevin hung up with the result that it appears my only channel of communication is megaphone diplomacy or another e-mail which will take days before I get a reply that, history suggests, will still take me no further forward.

Yours faithfully

Nigel Morris-Cotterill